After being told by aids that he’s an insensitive prick that deserves to be fire, out of a canon, into the sun, Jesusland Defense Secretary Rumsfeld has been doing some soul searching and yesterday although he couldn’t actually find one, he at least pretended to care, at a press briefing at the Pentagon.

The Defense Secretary, responding to mounting criticism even from fellow Republicans, said Wednesday he was “truly saddened” anyone could think he was not laboring to protect U.S. combat troops by sending them as occupiers to the most hostile region of the planet.

An uncharacteristically subdued Rumsfeld addressed his critics with an unprompted statement at the start of a Pentagon briefing, and sniffing as if to say “look, i’m almost in tears”, said he stayed awake at night worrying about America’s fighting men and women.

Critics pounced on Rumsfeld in recent weeks after he told a soldier who asked about a lack of armored vehicles for troops in Iraq that “you go to war with the Army you have, not the Army you might want,” and later admitted his letters to families of troops killed in Iraq had been signed by a machine because, well, he doesn’t really give a shit.

Some leading Senate Republicans, including John McCain of Arizona, former Senate Majority Leader Trent Lott of Mississippi, Chuck Hagel of Nebraska and Susan Collins of Maine, have questioned Rumsfeld’s performance.

President Bush on the other hand, who last month asked Rumsfeld to continue serving in his second term because he’s doing such a “terrific job”, Monday gave him a vote of confidence. Bush said Rumsfeld had a “rough and gruff” demeanor, but was a “caring fellow” with a “good heart” who is doing a “fine job”.

He added: “Now, watch this drive.”

More than 1,300 U.S. troops have been killed in Iraq, including 24 soldiers who died in an apparent “suicide bombing” inside a dining hall in a base near Mosul Tuesday.

Congressional critics have faulted Rumsfeld for what they call poor planning for dealing with Iraq after Saddam Hussein’s ouster, failing to anticipate the bloody insurgency, providing too few troops to win the peace, and failing to ensure that U.S. troops have enough body armor and armored vehicles.

“I am truly saddened *sniff sniff pause* by the thought that anyone could have the impression that I, or others here (at the Pentagon), are doing anything other than working urgently to see that the lives of the fighting men and women *sniff sniff pause* are protected and are cared for in every way humanly possible, *sniff*” Rumsfeld, minus his trademark swagger, told reporters.

He also added: “You’re a mean, mean man for having that impression of me. i’m really really sad *sniff sniff*…i want a cookie…General Myers, would you like to add anything to that?”