From “George Carlin: 40 Years In Comedy”

Quality, value, style, service, selection, convenience, economy, savings, performance, experience, hospitality, low rates, friendly service, name brands, easy terms, affordable prices, money-back guarantee, free installation. Free admission, free appraisal, free alterations, free delivery, free estimates, free home trial, and free parking. No cash? No problem. No kidding! No fuss, no muss, no risk, no obligation, no red tape, no hidden charges, no down-payment, no entry fee, no purchase necessary, no one will call on you, no payments or interest till December and no parking. Limited time only, so act now, order today, send no money, offer good while supplies last, two to a customer, each item sold separately, batteries not included, mileage may vary, all sales are final, allow six weeks for delivery, some items not available, some assembly required, some restrictions may apply. Shop by mail, order by phone, try it in your home, get one for your car. All entries become our property. Employees not eligible, entry fees not refundable. Local restrictions apply. Void where prohibited, except in Indiana. So come on in for a free demonstration and a free consultation with our friendly, professional staff. Our courteous and knowledgeable sales representatives will help you make a selection that’s just right for YOU, and just right for your budget! And say…don’t forget to pick up your free gift: A classic deluxe custom designer luxury prestige high-quality premium select gourmet pocket flash light, and if you act now we’ll include a extra added free complimentary bonus gift: a classic deluxe custom designer luxury prestige high-quality premium select gourmet leather style wallet with detachable key chain and a pencil holder. It’s our way of saying Thank You. And if you’re not completely satisfied, you pay nothing. Simply return the unused portion for a full refund, no questions asked, it’s our way of saying thank you. Keep your free gift…..Actually it’s our way of saying bend over just a little further…and let us stick this big dick into your ass a little bit deeper.[...]